It took many many months after not having her in my life to actually realize something. I lied to myself last year thinking i could get her to wanna actually marry me when in fact she was more so worried about all these other guys and holding on to the past bfs and i kept telling myself i could get her to change but i couldnt but its all a lesson in life.

Alls i seems to keep doing is messing up with the one i love and right about now i dont know whats gonna happen but all i do know is i dotnt wanna lose her

It has been awhile since i wrote in this and lets see i got with a girl that i thought i was gonna be happy with but turns out she is kinda controlling and if i wanted to do anything i had to say how long i was gonna be doing it and that my friends is not how i am. First off i do not like having to say i will be doing this for a few hours because my time when i am off work should be my time and how i choose to spend it not all of that persons attention.

Now that i am done ranting about that person i would like to say i am to be a father later this year and it makes me happy but sad because the mother and i are no longer on speaking terms but i do wanna be in my kids life no matter what except by getting back with her. I would rather stay single then get back with a woman that blocks me in rooms. i have been single now 2 weeks and getting back to how things used to be spending time with friends and those close to me. That is what really matters to me and i hope none of  you that read this think ill of my choices because they are mine and i have to live with them